540 months - reflected

I've always liked looking at things on a monthly basis and as I turn 45 years old in 2022 I decided I'd do the math! 540 months, it's funny, it doesn't feel like any time at all on planet earth somehow, there's much more to do, much more to experience, and much more positivity and growth I could bring (my 45th year mantra). This mantra has been pretty integral to me since I stepped away from full time employment with a title, into a freelancer open to a variety of opportunities that tap into my enjoyable strengths. As you know we can 'do' a lot of things but we may not feel necessarily energised from them.

I'm focused on keeping energy sustained and balanced and in order to do this, I have needed to be clear about what it is I would like to be doing. I've carried many titles in this time - on a personal level, as a daughter, sister, grand-daughter, niece, fiance, mother, and even a god-mother. My son makes the last title sound like a movie title! My career titles have been varied and sit within a separate piece of writing and podcast but as I unite the two - I have carved out my action in the world, not my title - a voice for positivity and growth. I feel expansive with those words, and not held in one place. When I hit 45 I could not be defined in a few ways, I am undefined in many ways. What I do in life will never be just in one style, one way, or just one thing.

I've never really experienced a fear of age thing as I grew up thinking I'd live forever! What's in a number after all eh? But, I have had some weird ages, ones where I felt in-between life, unsure, somewhat lost even.

So, what have I learned?

Ayurveda & Aromatherapy

While I could sit here and type out a list of achievements, certificates, and other learnings it's these two practices that support my life, naturally. The wisdom, the herbs, the knowing, the intuition, and of course the aromas. They pop up like lightbulbs when I need support or when I'm trying to understand what's happening in my health, my energy, and my balance. They help me to tune in and find solutions for myself. They are my versions of self-care.

40 winks

Well, on the morning of my birthday, my daughter woke me at 5.30am to offer me breakfast in bed. I know I need more sleep at 45, so guided her back to bed for a little longer! I've also learned not to feel bad for getting less than 8 hours beauty sleep as it's the quality not the quantity in my experience. Ayurvedic approaches sometimes refer to people as pittas (I'm one of these) and in the understanding of this type they are often night owls. I've always been encouraged to go to sleep earlier, you need more sleep to be able to do what you do in life. I'd defend it mostly, and wonder occasionally if I should make adjustments here and the truth is I thrive at night creatively, I find my peace and quiet here. I've never really been a party animal so haven't burnt myself out this way. The only thing I have found is that certain things help me sleep better - a bath, foot massage, guided meditation, Valerian combined with Ashwagandha, and a cup of caffeine free tea.

Truth

I've learned more than ever that staying true, honouring your truth, and trusting the process (including the universe) has become so very important as I venture out of traditional ways. I've said this word so much recently, and I am conscious that I am saying it and that awareness is the shift I needed. I think truth is expected but we've all experienced broken trust whether personally or in politics! So by not expecting it, you create it, you surround yourself with it, and it feels like you have returned to your true self when you embrace it fully.

Hormones

Of course they need a mention as they have certainly cropped up screaming for balance within these 45 years! My early premenstrual years were fairly straightforward but as I reached 40+ they have intensified and I've had to work harder to understand and navigate them. It all began with restless legs and changes in body temperature, oh and some teary unexpected moments. They built from there causing heavy bleeding, stomach cramps, migraines, and nausea! Whoosh it was all change - was I peri-menopausal, or suffering with Endometriosis and while I undergo investigation I have found what works for me to navigate what is right now and that is Agnus Castus (Chaste Tree or Vitex Berry) when I rise in the morning, Magnesium, Shatavari, and an abundance of flowers in plant pots, aromatherapy application, or in my tea. I mustn't forget that I also know through Ayurveda that I adjust my diet around my cycle - amplifying cooling green foods for half the month prior to flow, soups and stews while in flow, and spices in the recovery phase. Tracking your cycle is helpful, plan your work pattern around it too. When in flow, your creativity flows alongside so embrace it, if you get stuck creatively be patient, it will return! Due to softened joints during your cycle it is best to pull back from putting pressure on your joints so for me I don't hold massage clinics in those times.

Exercise

Walking is enough, it's never too late for Yoga! As a Pitta type I crave kick boxing, and team sports, sprinting over running! This seemed to paralyse me from just going for a walk as I thought it would be ineffective! My Asthma paralyses me at times making the walk between two rooms difficult so now I've come to appreciate a good ol' walk. I've got the right footwear for it too! Over time I've gone from 5-10 minutes to 90 minutes, and from flat ground to hill walking and I feel stronger with increased stamina because of it! I used to find Yoga so boring, favouring Pilates for its technical mindfulness but now blend the two and really enjoy this new movement practice. I've also become a football coach for kids and that brings in the dynamism I needed.

Eyes

I've reconnected with some previous work colleagues recently and noticed one thing we are all united in - we are all wearing glasses! It could be classed as an age thing or just simply we've become more digital and so we've fast tracked the inevitable. Look after your eyes, eat your carrots not just to see in the dark but for Vitamin A. Eyebright is a great herb to ease tired or irritated eyes as our compresses soaked in Chamomile or builders tea teabags. My all time random recommendation is cold potato slices - take a potato from the fridge, make two thick slices and place over eyes, they stay colder much longer than a limp Cucumber but also contain a hydrating component called - Super Oxide Dismutase. I also find rubbing warmth into your hands and placing your palms over your eyes for a moment helpful and then gradually let the light in through the cracks of your fingers, blinking as you adjust, look around and notice things around you notice their definition and increased brightness, and ultimately your focus!

Skin

My favourite subject is skin health, of course it will change as you age. Often any damage from the sun or lifestyle comes forth and shows up on your skin's surface so as I always say, be adaptable. Change your routine, and by tuning into what you need you will rediscover your skin health. For me its florals so you'll find me adding Rose, Geranium, Rhododendron and Lemon Myrtle into my formulas these days along with Poppy Seed, Blacurrant & Blackberry base oils.

Natural Medicine

As an Asthmatic I have experienced life for the most part with some medication such as Steroids and inhalers. Though I had a 7 year break from attacks due to trying Echinacea and I took no other medication. 8 years ago after experiencing a period of prolonged internal stress it flared up again, taking me to a vulnerable place where I had to re-rely on these medications and none of my doctors were interested in how I'd managed a 7 year gap they were more frustrated that I had not just carried on with the medication (this is a whole other conversation!) Now, I balance the natural and allopathic medicines alongside each other and I am working towards natural only again as I know I CAN do it. I have learned to navigate my overall health with plants to find balance in my hormones, quality in my sleep, a grounded calm space, and improved energy. Thank you to Mother Nature for your patience as I discover the medicine you naturally offer.

Breath

I breathe out more than I breathe in, expanding my out breath releases tension particularly in the mid-back, it helps me to catch my breath quicker, and calm in a moment of overwhelm. Try lengthening your exhale and notice the difference it makes for you!

Children

I've written a whole book and series of blogs on this journey so forgive my succinct words in this space within this piece. Having children for me was my point of transformation on the topic of mindfulness - the way children naturally pause to notice, and question what they see, feel, hear, taste, and touch is a huge reminder to any adult. Our children have taught me personally strengths and resilience I never knew I had, and this sheer acceptance that whatever they presented me with I would support them. Children have been a big part of my life even when I was a child. I have met many ill children with my time in hospitals, I've become a god-mother to two girls, a mother to 5, and a football coach to a team of 29 - this brings out my strong, wise feminine self.

Partnerships

Ever evolving friendships, and an ever-evolving relationship with my life partner, no business partnership (yet!) Acceptance comes forth here too, an acknowledgement that people come in and out of your life for many reasons. I am grateful for all that I have learned in this process.

Work/Life Balance

Who knew that the non-mathematician in me would create a new equation. Ah I know why I had to CREATE it!! How many times have you heard or said work\life balance? It's almost become an anomaly we are all seeking to achieve but never quite get there 100%. Well, try my equation

This is not a typo, you are seeing double, and no I am not asking you to work twice as hard and burn out! This equation came to me whilst having a lovely conversation with a new friend as we spoke of our transitions out of work titles 'the doing' of our work, acknowledging the stuff we could do, were good at, but truth be known it was draining our energy. Recently, I stepped out of full time paid work without stating what I was going on to do. I created a statement as I shared at the beginning - a voice for positivity and growth. I've had previous colleagues nip onto LinkedIn to peek at what I'm up to, mums on the school run asking what I'm doing now, and carrying my own fears of not enough money for the responsibilities I have. Only to discover something so freeing where any work I get paid for employed or freelance is less than the work I'm here to do in my time on Earth, working towards my own missions. There's another twist, any work that is paid for or freelance has to light you up, inspire you and ultimately energise you to be able to have the capacity to do your work and enjoy life. It's brought a sense of grounded I used to only wish for. It's here, I've created it, thank you bravery, trust and intuition for this radical change in my life.

Unconscious Strengths

I wanted to label this part of the work + work = balance equation as I believe and trust you ALL know what it is you are here to do, and you'll find it in the things you do naturally, without thinking. Now, become ultra conscious of your unconscious strengths and let them light your way!

Gratitude

How can I talk about 45 years on this planet without saying this. I am so deeply thankful I've been given these years to be present here and now, I even thank the skies, the sunsets, the sunrises, the moon, the stars, everything. I whisper it, say it out loud, and at other times say it inside but know I am always feeling it.

I now believe it is completely possible to write a memoir in what seems like a short life as some of us (actually I'm convinced all of us!) experience a lot in life and if we didn't share it we might prevent ourselves from supporting someone else's journey. Albeit a simple, 'me too' because when you don't feel alone, you feel empowered. Thanks to mum and dad (and Grandma so I learn genetically!) for creating me, who I am, as I am, so truly grateful to be here, right here, right now.